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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
I´m not cheap, but I am on special this week
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
I don`t get it, no matter how many times I call `shotgun` the cops always put me in the backseat.
What is the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don’t know, and I don’t care.
I sure buy a lot of alcohol. Hope I`m not a shopaholic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Yep, you have a person in your basement."?
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
I`m just chilling tonight with my new plane ... Oops, I`ve said too much.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect
I couldn`t be on a reality show because I wouldn`t want my mom to see how many times I make the jerk-off motion when we talk on the phone
At this stage of my life, "Good in Bed" means not snoring or stealing the covers.
When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.