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Honesty is the best policy, but insanity makes for a better legal defense.
Women need a tattoo that somehow signals their menstrual cycle ... * A Cramp Stamp
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
That`s not how I met your mother.
Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts.
You will never find the right person, if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
How can Wal-mart have a bazillion carts and everyone with at least one wobbly wheel?
I need u to do me a favor... Stand in front of my car please... I need to test my brakes :)
Just bought an exercise bike today because my treadmill works fine for laying my pants on, but it won`t accommodate hanging shirts on hangers.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
Spoiler Alert: Ladies, if your guy friend gets you a teddy bear, it has a Camera in it.