Daily Silly Status

I just made you think of an elephant

If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity

I`m never more nervous than when I tell a doctor what I actually eat.

Watching a movie with the girlfriend tonight. Can anyone recommend a good girlfriend?

I broke up with my cross-eyed girlfriend today.......i felt like that bitch was seeing someone else.

Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.

I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals

So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?

I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.

Rescue helicopters should have white lights at the end of their blade so when they spin it looks a halo.

If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really really fast :)

Girl rule. A girl will only compliment another girl that is uglier than they are.

Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.

I do everything faster when I have to pee.

There are weight limits on car seats, airlines, skydiving, military, horseback riding, kayaks, and bikes……how is it there are no weight limit on high heels?