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When you`re trying to change the channel on the tv, and the remote starts ringing, you`re probably drunk.
I saved someone`s life today. Well, I resisted the urge to strangle the life out of some idiot. That`s the same thing, right?
Half the journey is knowing where you’re parked.
Some people are training as complainers like it is a competitive sport
Ever since I installed Adblocker, I have been severely depressed. Hot singles in my area are no longer interested in me.
Just in: Chinese people confirm they were just messing with us with chopsticks. "You guys look like dumb idiots lol" says one Chinese guy
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
I’ve decided to get rid of my bad habits…just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
It`s hard to look like a bad-ass when you`re slurping on a strawberry smoothie.
I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.
Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I`m calling Santa!"
Hoping to get "till death do us part" reduced to a 15 year sentence and time served.