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Partying on my level requires years of training.
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
I can`t believe The Stones are still doing it after all these years. Someday I want to have a marriage like Fred and Wilma.
If by “clubbing” you mean eating club sandwiches then yeah I’m pretty into the club scene.
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
If a bag is not resealable then it contains one serving. I don`t make the rules.
I got in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich.
It`s always awkward the first time you hold hands with someone because they usually want to know who you are and why you just grabbed them.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
I`m not saying you`re an idiot. I`m just saying that....Umm how do I word this?? I guess I am saying your`e an idiot.
Life advice: Enjoy the f*ck out of it. It`s that simple.
You would think with all the ice water laying all over the world, it would be a lot cooler...
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
I miss the old days when I could say I wasn`t around and you couldn`t check Facebook or twitter to see if I was lying