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"Just be yourself" doesn`t work if you suck.
Facebook is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
you know what sucks about being a "chubby guy"....when your girlfriend wants to play with YOUR boobs :)
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens
I got in touch with my musculine side today - laying on the couch all day, eating gross food, playing games...
Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free
Due to an unforeseen error during last night`s love making session I am forced to wear non matching socks today
Sometimes you just have to logout...
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
Some people pass through our lives just to teach us not to be like them.
Paperclips: The staple for people with commitment issues.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.