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Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Surfing is a good choice for people who like skateboarding but wish it had more sharks.
I`ve been starting my diet tomorrow for the last 20 years.
Ladies, if a man says he will fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.
I just got kicked out of the Zoo! How was I supposed to know that real hippos don`t actually eat marbles?
Is "drunk" an emotion? Because if it is, I am feeling SUPER emotional right now...
You never know what you have until..... you clean your room
Apparently some strangers don’t need a hug.
The list of things I won’t eat if covered in chocolate gets smaller everyday.
Strange new trend at work. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Yesterday I ate a tuna sandwich named Jennifer.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "sleep tight" originated in prison...
Back in my day it was called daydreaming…not ADHD.
Facebook is perfect for those people that have never been very good at waiting for their turn to speak.
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.
Fun Fact: Over 97.8% of men have already made mistakes this year that a woman will remind him about for the rest of his days.