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I would order delivery more often, but I just can`t stand lowering the drawbridge.
Pizza is my favorite winter activity
I`ve ended up encountering much less porridge than I had expected I would as a child.
Saw a girl with three lip piercings, took everything in my power not to attach a shower curtain
Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advise.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
When you`re tucking your kids in at night, read them a few select Facebook statuses, kiss them on the forehead and whisper "This is why we must stay in school."
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
We can put laser-equipped robots on Mars, but wrinkled dollar bills still don’t work in vending machines?
Why do single women take dating advice from other single women? That`s like Stevie Wonder giving driving directions to Ray Charles.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
I don`t use cocaine, I just like the way it smells.