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God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and ten million dollars.
If my superpower was to be able to stop time, I`d totally use it to take a nap without people noticing.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from.
What a snow day inside with the kids! My one son thought it would be a good idea to fill up the garage freezer with snow to save for later and my other son had an "accident" and peed all over the floor in the bathroom. Youd think they know better at 13 and 15 years old! I probably should stop letting them drink beer in the house.
Helpful Tip: Dont laugh when the cop says penal system ... oh and I need bail money again.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
When I say lol, I don`t literally mean I laughed out loud. What I actually mean is that I made a loud outward breath through my nose, similar to a bull.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
How come there are never any restrooms in my dreams
My house has really let itself go.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Irony. The opposite of wrinkly.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."