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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me.
Sometimes, numbers are the only thing you can truely count on.
I made a chicken salad today... The little bastard didn`t even eat it.
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Once again, I`m a distant runner-up for TIME magazine`s `Person Of The Year`. I`m beginning to think it`s rigged...
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
Those who stir the sh!t pot should have to lick the spoon.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
If your parachute doesn`t deploy don`t worry, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.