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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
If you’ve ever used Urban Dictionary to compose or decipher a text, congratulations, you`re over 40.
my cross-eyed girlfriend left me today. She was seeing someone else.
Have you noticed that it`s only the married squirrels that hurl themselves in front of your car......
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
Trying to understand women is like trying to smell the color 8.
I`ve just seen an advert in my local newspaper. ACCOUNTANT NEEDED! $35,000 - $40,000 So I called them up and said, "The answer is -$5,000."
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
They say 15 minutes of exercise every day will add 3 years to your life. The problem is that it adds the 3 years to your 80s not your 30s.