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I’m starting to think plates are called china because most of them look the same.
Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
My 4-year-old thinks the 5-second rule means he can eat anything off the floor if he waits 5-seconds first. That M&M was from last Easter.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
Ways to die: Steal my food.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
Some people come into our lives & leave footprints on our hearts. Others come into our lives & make us wanna leave footprints on their face.
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
Do gun manuals haue a trouble shooting section?
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. Now I`m older, I like mine in the bottle