Daily Silly Status

I just poured myself some iced tea. I could have sworn I heard one of the beers in my fridge whisper "What the F*ck!?"

I`m pretty sure some of you just drag your face across the keyboard and hit send.

I hope the next big trend in music is Talent.

I can`t believe that it`s almost the year 2014 and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.

Currently helping my son look for his chocolate that I ate last night.

The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.

I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.

I think the Worst Part about admitting you are an Alcoholic ..is People expect you to Quit Drinking.

I`m opening a bar called The Office. You`re welcome guys. "Be home soon sweetie, I`m at The Office"

A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.

I`m starting to think that all those hours in school, when I practiced writing my autograph, was just a waste of time.....

There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.

When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me because she says I was obsessed with football. I was shocked. I mean we were together for 3 1/2 seasons.

Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.