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Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
The problem with the world is intelligent people are full of doubts, while stupid people are full of confidence.
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Apparently my socks never remember “The Buddy System” whenever I wash them.
Home: Where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
I only hug people when I need to wipe my hands off.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
I only get religious when scratching off lottery tickets.
Line forms here for spankings
I don`t own a thesaurus, is `cock meat` a synonym for `fried chicken`?