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It`s not a real relationship until their zip code is in your Weather Channel app.
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
Don`t talk to me about hard times. My dog just licked the last piece of pizza.
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
Found out the name of my neighbor`s cat. In other news, I now have free internet.
I want rich people problems. Like where to land my private jet.
Look Bruce, just because you call it the "Batcave" doesn`t change the fact that you still live in your parents basement.
I assume that a Columbus Day sale means I can just walk into a store and take whatever I want.
Going through the dealership lot with the salesman, pointing at every car and asking, "what kinda robot does that one turn into?"
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
I keep my land line so I can find my cell phone.