Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
First fart at my new job.
Oh you better not pout. You better not cry. You better not shout I`m telling you why. Nobody gives a f*ck.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
You`d think my neighbors could have the decency to ignore me back.
"Try to score a goal. Don`t use your hands. See you afterwards." - Soccer coaches
Iām beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
"Dora" only rhymes with "Explorer" if you`re from Long Island, New York
Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.
Tupperware is so handy for those times when you feel like throwing out your food another day.
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?
Basically anything you buy at the hardware store looks like you`re getting ready to take hostages.
I like people the most when I`m by myself.
Mattel is launching a new Facebook Barbie. She looks like a stunning hot blonde on the package but is an old fat guy when you open the box.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...