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*licks finger, holds it up in the air* ah yes, just as I suspected. wind.
Just seen a sign reading "PAY ATTENTION WHILE WALKING your Facebook status update can wait". While on Facebook on my phone. While walking...
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
I enjoy being the black sheep of the family ... Black sheep are the prettiest & don`t show as much dirt as the white ones.
2017 didn`t need that extra hour back.
I answered the door in my underwear. That WAS the tip, pizza guy!
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written “eff off forever” instead of “keep in touch” in your yearbook.
The mechanic asked if I wanted my tires rotated and I was like, "No thanks, I`m pretty sure they do that all by themselves while I`m driving"
Remember when waking up early on Saturday mornings involved cartoons and not untagging photos on Facebook?
I remember the days when I could refer to my knees as right and left. Now I refer to them as the good and bad knee.
The most frustrating thing about watching Nascar is that they never signal
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
I`m "BE KIND & REWIND" years old.
The person before me got $0.57 worth of gas. My day doesn`t seem so bad now.