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It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"
God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I’m a big deal...
Putting your finger on someone`s lips and saying "Shhhh... Not another word." is super-romantic. But the cop didn`t think so.
No one`s lazier than the guy who came up with the name for Juicy Juice.
Life really is all down-hill once you get to big too ride in the shopping cart
If you`re already in the cop car, I really can`t see how puking in it could make things any worse.
Facebook`s list of "suggested friends" is quite literally a list of people I`ve been avoiding my entire life.
It`s always the darkest before dawn. So if you are going to steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s the best time to do it.
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
B!tch Please, your only fan is the one on your ceiling.
I just "borrowed" my neighbors nissan frontier, they make that trick look easier on the commercial
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 8 times,......Your probably a woman.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
Sneezing when you pee is only recommended when you`re in a public toilet.