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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
I hope my last words aren’t “What does this thing do?”
Thanksgiving advice: Sit at the kids table for as many years as possible.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Behind every good selfie is approximately 47 nearly identical pictures that didn’t make the cut.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
I used to like my neighbors until they changed the password to their wi-fi :)
If offering people gum is cooking, then yes, I cook.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.