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loves infomercials, but claiming that a product promotes weight loss when combined with diet and exercise is like claiming it grants wishes when used with a leprechaun.
Perverts can contribute to society. Look at the disturbed individual who discovered cow`s milk.
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
If you`re reading this then I`m wishing you a Happy New Year! Stay safe, have fun, and remember, I like New Years gifts too!
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
If someone starts a sentence with "words can`t express," brace yourself, because they`re about to give it a hell of a try anyway.
Sometimes I take a bath because it’s hard to drink wine in the shower.
The worst thing about finding out Santa isn`t real is that you realise it was your parents who were to blame for all the terrible presents
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
My advise to all the young people out there, "Do not grow up; it`s a trap!!"
The beeping noise from microwave is always 100x’s louder at night.
According to my roommate`s diary, I have boundary issues.
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?