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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
So, all theses years I thought it was the dyer making my shirts not fit. now I`m pretty sure it the refrigerator.
I`ll do a lot of things for money, but I draw the line at working...
Mondays should start at noon.
My girlfriend ended up with a broken nose today because she wouldn`t listen to me... I said,"You`re about to walk into a lamppost."
I wish "it`s the thought that counts" worked for housework.
We`re all brave until we realize the cockroach has wings
Opening the Tupperware cupboard at home should be regarded as an extreme sport.
You know you`re broke when your bank flags deposits as suspicious activity.
I`m fat, but I blame my dog for not exercising me enough.
My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
I want to meet the guy at Hewlett Packard who decides how many minutes of strange noises their printers make before printing 1 page.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!