Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I like you, I’ll let you hold the TV remote when we watch TV. If I love you, I won’t take the batteries out of it beforehand.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
If you`ve never played Tetris, you`re probably useless at loading a dishwasher
Just because you think it`s a bad idea doesn`t mean we won`t have a good time.
Note To Self: Even if someone really needs it, strangling them is still illegal.
You can really scare someone when you yell "Peek-a-boo!". Especially when they`re trying on clothes in the fitting room.
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
To the 84yo woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, sup baby ;)
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
The ultimate home security system is having crappy stuff.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
If I was a cab driver I`d yell "ROAD TRIP" every time I got a passenger
We must STOP the driver of that bus that everyone keeps getting thrown under!
Multitasking (verb) - Screwing up several things at once.