Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Perhaps Nicki Minaj just lost a series of bets.
I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Dear World, Stop saying "twerk."
Anyone that tells you money is the root of all evil is f*cking broke.
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
If anybody tells you you’re putting too much Parmesan on your pasta, stop talking to them. You don’t need that negativity in your life.
I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.
I dreamt I was you..I hated myself. Luckily I woke up..woah that was close.
My give a damn is busted! Parts on backorder....
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I swear, if one more person calls me an alcoholic they are getting a high five too.
If my walls could talk, they`d probably say "stop running into me you idiot"