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My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
A Waist Is A Terrible Thing To Mind
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
I accidentally shoveled the sidewalk all the way to the bar again.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Is everything expensive or am I just poor?
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
You can`t make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them & hope they panic & give in.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
Why are clothes so expensive? I shouldn`t have to pay so much to not be naked. Other people should pay me not to be naked.
Some people want a perfect relationship. I just want a cheeseburger that looks like the ones in commercials.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
Sometimes when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
My last boyfriend used to smile and say "I love you" to me every morning as he left for work. At least I think that`s what he was saying. It can be tricky to lip read through binoculars.