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Just slung my bra off & threw it to the other side of the couch where there are already 2 other bras. If my math is right, it`s Wednesday.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Please: No,No.No-More about how you think relationships should be: we`ve got it , Your Single,,- get off facebook and go take your own expert advise...
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
I`m just a man standing in front of a woman, who is standing in front of another man who is in front of another woman in line at Taco Bell.
When I become famous I`m not going to tell anyone.
Today I noticed that the cover of my ironing board was wrinkled, and I laughed at the irony. Then I laughed again because of the word "irony."
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”
Farts are just ghosts of things that we ate. ;D
When I get married I plan on introducing my spouse as my ex-fiancé just to mess with people.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
These bar stools are creaky!! [continues to fart on first date]
It’s not pretty being easy.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.