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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
umm umm u know that school where i got the degree from
I don`t ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.
It may look like I’m in deep thought, but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
Before we start this relationship, I am going to need you to explain a few pics in your Facebook albums.
I went for a run today. What the hell is wrong with you people why would you do this to yourself you need help.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I could write an entire book on excuses... but I have to drop my dog off at the airport.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
90% of the apps on my phone don’t do anything except send me notices that there’s a new version of itself.
They say you are what you eat, though... I don`t recall eating a sexy beast today
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then I’m assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
I didn’t give you the finger...you earned it.