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This bartender doesn`t know it yet, but she is probably going to make me 36 hours late for work tomorrow.
Anyone else see the irony in Disney World?.. You know, the fact that it`s a giant human trap, ...set by a mouse.
How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don`t show it to her.
He turned to her, ran his hand up her thigh, across her belly and down her legs. When he turned back to watch TV, she asked "Why stop?" "I found the remote!" he replied.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
With the rise of self-driving vehicles, eventually there will be a country song about how your truck left you too.
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
Don`t be part of the problem. Be the ENTIRE problem.
Dear who ever’s reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
Sometimes I get in this weird mood where I find everyone annoying. But it only happens when I’m awake.
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.