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I love living single, drinking double, and sleeping triple.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I just became a professional Counterfeiter, I even have the certificates to prove it.
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
Why do people ask “What the hell were you thinking?” Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not have to explain it.
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
Apparently “cheesecake & tacos” wasn’t the answer the interviewer was looking for when he asked me what my weaknesses are.
More people would call the Gambling Addicts Helpline if they made every 5th caller a winner.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
The Three Up`s in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut
I like how the nice people of Sesame Street all know that Oscar the Grouch lives in that can, and yet they still stuff their trash into it.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk ;)
Imagine my disappointment when I discovered a "Booby Prize" really wasn`t boobies at all...:(
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.