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Roses are red, violets are blue. I have 5 fingers, the middle one is for you.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come to work
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
Why can’t I lose weight easily I mean I lose everything else without a problem.
WANTED: Someone to follow me around and whisper "You`re an adult" every few minutes.
Whatever Mom, IF THAT`S EVEN YOUR REAL NAME!!!
I`m often a little confused when people call me insane because, to be honest, I`m still just warming up.
Mirrors don’t lie. And, lucky for me, they don’t laugh either.
Here, take my hand. Now slap yourself with it.
I ordered a new GPS unit, but it got lost in the mail.
I love the gym this time of year. The newbies make me look like a Victoria Secret model.
I never finish anyth...............
I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell. :)