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I don`t eat a high fiber diet to be healthier, I eat so I`ll have to $hit more at work.
Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
If life is a Bitch, then why hasn´t it made me a Sandwich?
I always close my eyes when I kiss a woman. Experience tells me that if my eyes are open, I get a lot more pepper spray in them.
I stay a bit overweight because it wouldn`t be fair to all the skinny people if I were this attractive, intelligent, funny and thin. It`s a public service really.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
Did I ever tell you about my old girlfriend? The one with the "Lazy Eye"? I had to break up with her, she was seeing somebody on the side..........................
If you ever need nothing I am here for you.
If you want a successful relationship, find someone who likes the same thermostat setting that you do.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
I bet when Cheetahs race and one of them cheats, the other one goes, “Man, you’re such a Cheetah!” and they laugh & eat a zebra or whatever.
Ever notice that no one ever has three cats? They either have one or two cats, then it jumps to 17.
I rather read the software license agreement for my computer than some peoples Facebook status drama on my newfeeds