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is about to stick a pin in your voodoo doll... brace yourself.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Sh!t`s spiraling out of control and I`m all like "wheeeee."
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Sometimes I run toward people & expect them to know that I want them to do the Dirty Dancing lift but they never know and I slam into them.
I like that CNN is tweeting a picture of ebola bacteria. It will be handy in case I encounter it in the wild. With my microscope vision.
Whew! Thank you warning label I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Sorry about last night texts. My phone was drunk.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
OMG this is Freaky! Have 8 beers & 3 shots, go to your phone the next day, press ‘Recently Dialed’ & the name of your crush will appear!
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I`m no magician but I can walk down the street and turn into a bar!
One thing the porn industry has taught me is that this summer I defiantly need to get a job as a poolboy.