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When your girlfriend or wife says "lol have fun", do not have fun. Abort mission. I repeat. Abort mission.
Live in the moment. Unless the moment sucks. Then live on Facebook.
I don`t really want to hear about the marathon, unless of course, they add an element of suspense ... Like a Bear at mile 3
The irony of all this is, the internet was created to save us time…
"are you as bored as I am?" if you read that backwards, it still makes sense.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
They say you`ve got to spend money to make money. Feel like there`s some middle step I`ve been missing?
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
Me: I`m hungry. Fridge: I don`t give a sh*t. Cabinet: B*tch, don`t look at me. Freezer: Lol, you like ice? :-)
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
The Spanish version of the Subway jingle “65.63 Peso 0.3 meter largo” isn’t quite as catchy…