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Guy asked me where a public phone was. I told him 1987.
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
The best way to scare a man is to use the urinal stall next to him. This works exceptionally well if you are a woman.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
You can`t be ugly and play hard to get. It just doesn`t work that way...your already hard to want
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
I`m leaving my body to science fiction
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
So, All my exes live in Texas; Exactly, how does one go about scheduling a tornado ?
Procrastination............I`ll make a joke about it later.