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Those friends who like and at the same time unlike my statuses please you`re increasing my blood pressure!
Patience is not about how long you can wait, but how well you behave while waiting.
why do wise people never make wisecracks?
For Lent I`ve decided to give up my New Year`s Resolutions
Trust me ...... I can`t believe I`m still here either.
The longest five seconds in anyone’s life is waiting to press the “Skip Ad” button on YouTube.
The color 9 is my favorite letter.
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.......
People who say "Don`t mix drugs with alcohol"" ... they`re stupid, right?
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
The best way to let people remember you is to `borrow money from them`
“I need to stop,” I whispered as I clicked next episode.
Got kicked out of the casino again. Apparently, gold chocolate coins mess up their slot machines or something.
Don`t be afraid of a few extra pounds, fat people are much harder to kidnap.