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I`m sticking to my guns ... I really should have washed my hands after I ate.
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
I`m just gonna let my pillow decide my hairstyle for tomorrow.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
My participation in this meeting will be based solely on the snacks they provide.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its butt and make a friend. That trick only works about half the time on people.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
The club sandwich, for when a knuckle sandwich just isn`t enough...
I was always a believer in evolution....then I spent an hour at Walmart and now I`m not so sure