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Redneck word of the day: Twerk "Imma have one more beer then imma get back twerk!"
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
It`s crazy that your brain can calculate where to put your hand to catch a 98 mph fastball... But won`t keep your mouth shut when a woman is angry
If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
The only cat like reflex I possess is turning and staring at the wall when you talk to me.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
Think about how much more stressful life`s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
When a girl says "no," a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow."
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
I bought a book on eBay called, "How to scam on eBay". That was 2 months ago, and it`s not arrived yet
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
I wasn´t born with enough middle fingers to show you how I feel