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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
My friend works at a rubber dog poop factory. He`ll never get rich, but he makes doo.
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
Without facebook: more sleep, less drama, and a life!
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
Taken names of employees from various stores and calling in sick for them, just to make it feel like I have a job. . .
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
Roses are red violets are blue vodka cost less than dinner for 2.
When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it´s for them?