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I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
Some of us learn from the mistakes of others; the rest of us have to be the others.
Monday must be a man ... It comes too quickly.
The older I get, the more I enjoy being bored.
Billion dollar idea: A phone that charges using body fat!
When people tell me knock knock jokes, I pretend I`m not home.
Got tossed outta Starbucks this morning for asking the really cute redhead behind the counter for a "Quickie". Apparently it`s pronounced "Quiche`" who knew......
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
That moment when you realize the object of #WeightWatchers is NOT see who can score the most points...
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss.
When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.