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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I have to be careful what I say online because my kids might find out how cool I am and want to start hanging out with me.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers off the plane.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I’d say it’s been a success.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn`t notice... until they needed to wink at somebody.
What if dreams are just glimpses of alternate universes?
I`m placing myself in "time-out" until I`m able to play nice with others! This may take a few hours as there are stupid people everywhere!
Can you imagine how sexy I`d be if I ate right and took care of my body... I`m not going to, but can you imagine
Here`s hoping the wind at your back doesn`t come from the corned beef and cabbage you had for lunch. Happy St. Patrick`s Day!
Stop calling them rednecks. The term is NASCAR-Americans. Y`all.
"Don`t try this at home"...Okay, i`ll try it at my friend`s house..
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.
My IQ? ... With google or without?