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How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
I worry about what my rubber ducky thinks about me when I`m naked 0.0
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
As a community service, I send random inmates letters how my life is going to cheer them up.
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in 2 years... It`s now a Walmart.
The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man`s ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
Jack and Jill Went up the hill To have a little fun. Jill, the dill, Forgot her pill, And now they have a son.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
Internet went down so I had to spend time with my family. They seem like good people.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
I drank so much vodka last night I woke up with a Russian accent.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....