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**TORNADO WARNING** Everyone head to Giants Stadium. Safest place to avoid a touch down.
I think Tampax and Hershey`s should get together and offer a super pack....
If you stop at a yellow light I`m going to assume you have something illegal in your car.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I generally don`t hang out with people who are missing digits on their feet. It`s not that I`m a jerk. I`m just lack-toes intolerant.
With the problems I have, I would have taken my own life a long time ago but i have one question: Do they sell weed in hell?
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
Stages of Drunk: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don`t wake up the cows.
Can you do me a favour? Stand in front of my car, I need to test my brakes.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Trix commercials just teach kids that sharing is bad.
When I finish eating something I have to show my hands to the dog like I`m a blackjack dealer...