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Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
What if pay-phones are disappearing so they can keep us in the matrix?
Swag is for boys. Class is for men.
Wine with crackers and cheese is basically just the classy version of beer and nachos.
I don’t repeat gossip, so listen carefully
I got drunk last night and my house wasn`t where I left it.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
“Let’s hang out sometime.” - liars
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
Cats spend two thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Don’t start an argument with a girl because they have 45030194 GB memories and will bring up something you did at 2:27PM on April 23rd 2008.
Still have not used all the free hours from my AOL start up disk
In the South, they remove the `g` from the end of most words. Just sayin`.