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How can we call ourselves "evolved" when signs are needed to remind people to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
A lot of people are only alive because I shed too much hair to ever get away with murder.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
After a certain point, the `F` on the thermometer no longer stands for Fahrenheit.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
I`ve never watched CSI because I learned everything I need to know about solving crimes from watching Scooby Doo
How does anything ever get done at the bubble wrap factory?
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
"I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you’ve ever done in your life.
It`s weird how many people at my office are named "Hey."
Being a parent means often saying your child is shy rather than "he sees how creepy u are, that`s why he doesn`t want to shake your hand".