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What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
“One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” would be a terrible way to let your child know that they’re adopted.
I hate when a couple argues in public but I missed the start and don`t know whose side I`m on.
Went to the bookstore to pick up a "Where`s Waldo" book today, but couldn`t find any. Well played Waldo, well played...
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
My wife has spent all day arguing that she isn`t stubborn...
"I don`t see color." - A person who shouldn`t eat snow.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
As I slowly ran my finger down her G string I thought to myself, this is a nice guitar.
I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.
Building the city on rock and roll was probably the wrong move from an engineering perspective.
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
So today my gym was crowded...at least I think it was a gym...Do gyms usually have drive thrus?
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside