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It should be standard for wedding invitations to state if there will be an open bar or not.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
Some people post because they need attention and validation. Not me. (Thanks for reading this, the `Like` button is below)
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
Facebook needs a "settle down" button.. You tap on a friend`s profile, that locks them out for a day so they can work through stuff privately..
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
My car remote died. I had to insert my key into the lock like some kind of goddamn animal.
You seem like a sweat person. Mind if I lick you to find out?
My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.
I hope when the machines take over the world they start by fixing my cable.
Mister Rogers didn’t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
When asked how I take my coffee, I reply with, "Seriously. Very seriously."
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss