Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
The older I get the more I understand Squidward`s anger.
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Today I learned that not all people like ventriloquists. Particularly my gynecologist.
I`m the kind of friend who will help you hide a dead body, but if you betray me, just remember: I know how to hide a dead body.
Some days should come with a warning label: This day is going to suck, bring alcohol.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.