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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Cauliflower is just broccoli ghosts.
Just dropped part of a cookie into my printer, so I hit "copy"
You`re not a geek or a nerd because you always have to have the latest high tech gadgets and electronics. YOU`RE RICH
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn`t tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
trying to do something before the microwave is finished is sort of like trying to complete the countdown maths problem on countdown...
I don’t like to think before I speak. I like to be just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Like this if you’re “never drinking again.”
Can we all just agree to start spelling it "Wensday"?
I’m an organ donor, but I’m pretty sure all they’re going to use is my liver for “after” photos.
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
This beer is making me awesome !! ;)
Tequila, because sometimes you and your toilet need to hug it out.