Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
There`s a big difference between knowing what time the liquor store closes, and what time it opens.
I have done some truly amazing things to get the last bit of toothpaste out of the tube.
Wives are just security guards hellbent on denying you access to your happiness, and porn collection.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Alcohol: Because no good story starts with “So this one time I was eating a salad….”
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
It`s all fun and games...unless there`s cookies, then it`s serious
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting in a bar.
I don’t think my inner child is ever moving out.