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Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
I had a terrible dream about mufflers and now I`m exhausted.
Marriage. When dating goes too far.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
In a 500-day period I could theoretically meet someone, get married, have a baby, and get divorced–and yet I’d still be using the same box of Q-tips.
The only difference between sex and breakfast is sometimes I don`t want breakfast.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
The only F word out a woman`s mouth that scares me is "fine."
Everything I know about women, I learned from the Wizard of Oz. For example: If a woman sees a pair of shoes she wants, she`ll drop a house on the bitch to get them.
Saw a brand new Prius totaled on my way home from work. Still had the window sticker. That would suck... Not to crash, but to drive a Prius.
I’m off for a quiet beer. Followed by fourteen noisy ones.
A new study has found that men have a hard time reading women`s facial expressions. Main reason? They usually aren`t looking at her face.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.