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some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
They say that being successful and living well is the best revenge. That may be so, but rubbing your naked ass all over someone`s cell phone when they aren`t looking is pretty good too ?
If you tell someone your Birthday and they automatically know your astrological sign, run as fast as you can away from them.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
FYI: The signs that say "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn`t.
It’s hard to get a lot done when you’re busy having a snack every 15 minutes
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
There is no such thing as failure. There are only results.
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
My alarm clock is clearly jelouse of my amazing relationship with my bed.
I thought an emu was when you sent someone a cow via cyber mail.
How come we can put a man on the moon but we can`t made a smoke alarm that can differentiate between a house fire and cooking sausages?
I`m just 1 nap, 8 beers, 2 orgasms and my own personal robot away from this being the best day ever.
Just because I`m nodding my head at appropriate times while you`re talking doesn`t mean I give a sh!t about what you`re saying..
Sex in the City is the prequel to The Golden Girls, right?