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My friends think I never listen to their opinions... like I give a sh*t what they think.
My girlfriend told me that Iām starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman ... What a Joker...
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
I love secretly placing a deck of cards on top of someones ceiling fan.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
You know you`re non-domesticated when the only reason you finally transfer the dishes from the sink to the dishwasher is so you can gain access to the garbage disposal.
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
Juicing changed my life. I went from being overweight, to being overweight and owning a juicer.
Judging by the amount of times I accidently cut myself on sharp objects it`s probably just as well real lightsabers aren`t available yet.
Everytime someone says "Expect the unexpected" I like to punch them in the face and say "not as easy as it sounds, now is it?"
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
Male camel toe? Dude that`s just nuts.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.