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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
facebook cuz am too old to have imaginery friends
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
What if every time a song pops into your head, it’s really just your brain intercepting one of the bajillion radio signals bouncing around you?
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
How did Mexico keep enough people from crossing the border to field a full soccer team?
I was in a taxi and the driver said "I love my job. I`m my own boss and nobody tells me what to do!" I said "That`s really great, now take a left here."
If your drug dealer is always on time he is a cop …
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
Using Romeo & Juliet to express how in love you are is like using Hamlet to show how close and well adjusted your family life is.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
if drinking destroys your memory .... what does drinking do ?
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!
Women say childbirth is the most painful thing... obviously they have never stepped on a Lego.