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I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
Meanwhile on Facebook, someone has made a casserole...
Do these `Skinny Jeans` make my blood circulation look more than purple or less than purple?
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
QVC has agreed to purchase the Home Shopping Network for around $2 Billion...OR just 100,250,627 easy payments of $19.95!
Horoscopes: When you don’t have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
If you live up be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to mess with people… like claim you ate a pinecone every single day.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"
BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.