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You women may be surprised to learn that making us sleep on the couch isn`t that bad. It`s kinda manly, makes us feel like we are camping......with a really angry bear nearby.
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.
I always keep a spare pair of shoes at work that I change into so people don`t know it`s me when I`m taking a dump.
Relationships would be easier if people came with a “Clear History” button.
Life Rule #17: Always hold out your hand when someone is counting money in front of you, ...just incase.
I`ve had such a bad week First my girlfriend got run over by a bus, then I lost my job.. ..as a bus driver
Seen it all, done it all, can´t remember most of it.
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
12 year olds having sex ? Im sorry when i was 12 i was to afraid to pull my foreskin back incase my d*ck fell out.
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
Surprise your wife today. Sell all her shoes and buy something nice for yourself.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."