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My fake plant died because I didn`t pretend to water it
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Are headaches the result of time spent with woman or is it purely a coincidence?
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
If I have to stir it, it’s homemade.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
Even if women came with an instructions manual men still wouldn`t read it.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
She calls it cuddling. I call it strategic body placement for the war of the covers that is about to take place.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.
Hangry: (noun) a state of anger caused by lack of food. May evoke negative change in emotional state. Translation -- Feed me or I`ll kill you.