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Do you ever just look at a girl and instantly know she posts her daily horoscope on Facebook and quotes Marilyn Monroe?
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
The 21st century. When deleting history is more important than making it.
Life would be so much better if throughout the day we encountered randomly placed Piñatas
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
loosing weight tip: turn your head to the left then to the right. Do this everytime you are offered food.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
I need to learn the rules to make sure I don`t accidently follow them
Scratch and Sniff Here [____] …Smells like glass, doesn’t it
Morning comes in 3 sizes: 1) Early. 2) Too early. 3) Way too early
Don`t mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything? Well…my phone number for a start.
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don`t want people to recognize me when I`m pooping.
She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found `mute` by now.