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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
You say peeping tom. I say highly active member of the neighborhood watch.
I`ve had frozen pizza and delivery pizza in the same day, b!tch you don`t know me.
By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn`t believe me.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
What`s the right age to stop running naked from the bedroom to the bathroom?
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.
A person soon learns how little they know when a child begins to ask questions.
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
I`m so good, I scream my own name out during sex.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house