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On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
People keep asking me what my resolutions are, like they can`t see I`m already perfect...
Never realized how out of shape I was until I started sweating after using scissors for 30 seconds.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
You`d be surprised at how many times I`ve gone home, when i hear someone tell me "Go hard or Go home".
I like people... From a distance.
I`m an optimist. To me, the glass is always half alcohol.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
You know what would make this Vodka & cranberry better? The Bahamas.
you know you`ve been facebooking too much when you accidentally say "LOL", in person...
That mind-blowing moment when you realize chores were really the crap your parents didn’t want to do.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Facebook ~ redefining "friendship" one booby pic at a time. ;)