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Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
We all need to take great interest in our future because we will spend the rest of our life there.
I’m just going to put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
Pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer pretend it`s a beer.....me trying not to drop a child
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
Every shape I had to learn above octagon was just a total fu*king waste of time.
Flu (noun) - The only time when having used tissues laying next to your bed is socially acceptable.
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
People think I`m crazy because I talk to my cat. What am I supposed to do? Just ignore him when he asks me a question?
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.
funny status idea: a funny and popular one