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Spinning in circles to get dizzy as a child was my first attempt at getting high.
God is creative, I mean just look at me.
My wife can find a stain on my shirt from across the room but can`t see the mailbox when she`s backing up?
the `real` me doesnt do facebook
Being able to eat while watching Hannibal makes you more of a psychopath than anyone on the show.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
The downside of dating intelligent women is having to Google what they call you when it ends badly
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
Everyone please stop doing crimes because sirens are too noisy.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Remember....... Its not drinking alone if you`re on Facebook ;)