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Do not read the next sentence. You little rebel, that`s why I like you.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
The best thing about the internet is how quickly you can offend the maximum amount of people with minimum effort
Liquor makes me happy, You ..... not so much.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it´s still on the list.
Whenever I`m sad, you`re there. Whenever I`m having problems, you`re always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you`re always there. Lets face it. You`re bad luck.
Respect your elders. They made it through school without Google and Wikipedia.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
I love my six pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Afterism (n) - A concise, clever statement you don`t think of until too late
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I just came online to check the weather. That was 12 years ago.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
If you reach your hand into a woman`s purse, it crosses into a parallel universe containing everything but the one thing you`re looking for.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.