Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I wonder how long I can keep "eating for two" before people notice I`m not actually pregnant.
I often wondered what it`d be like to be married to an idiot. I asked my wife and she said you get used to it after a while.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
You are the reason why I bite the heads off teddy grams.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
I’ve got bad news: Today is not Friday, Tomorrow is not Friday, Even the day after tomorrow is not Friday.
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
Woke up to my teen cleaning the house for "no reason" and now I have a mystery to solve.
You know it`s getting bad when the voices in your head start texting you
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
So many fun things to say … too many relatives on Facebook to post!
Feeling a little sassy today...But then again, that`s everyday
Technically, every picture is a before picture.