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So if one was to type ‘idiot’ into Google, would your picture come up?
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
I believe in love at first episode.
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as Kraft singles?
Vegans think they will live longer than us, but they don`t realize they are 100 times more likely to be murdered mid conversation.
Wife: Hi honey, did you miss me? Husband: With every bullet so far...
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
My baby girl is so polite. I told her she needed to share and she said "No, thank you"
I hope I can still remember the dance to Thriller when I become a Zombie.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
It’s not pretty being easy.
Sometimes I get mad about having to unload the dishwasher but then I remember a machine just washed my dishes for me.