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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I don`t hate you, I`m just not necessarily excited about your existence.
The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
My 4yo just shut the bathroom door on me while I was inside and told me I was in jail. So I locked the door. I love this game.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
Don`t run with scissors -- unless you`re stealing scissors, of course. If so, run. Run like the wind scissor thief!
These techno songs last longer than my first marriage
I went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
Im thinking, The best part about sitting down at the computer for a minute and making a status message like this is that by the time you`ve finished reading it and taking a minute out of your day you`ll have a brand sense of enlightenment and awareness that you never had before once you realize that there is absolutely no point to this post whatsoever.
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can`t be bought.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
A police officer just knocked on my door to tell me my dogs were chasing kids down the road on bikes.. Umm.. My dogs don`t even own bikes?
My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.