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Every time I get an eyelash in my eye, I`m reminded of how quickly I would die in the wild
Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 700 words.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
My theory on housework is, if the item doesn´t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be.
How to tell if your wife is mad at you - Step 1. She is
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
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College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
Christmas is truly a magical time. It`s made all my money disappear!
Considering that dogs pee to mark territory, they probably think humans are constantly battling over who gets to claim the toilet.
You ever think that maybe the reason geese are always honking is because they`re flying too close together?
I Just bought a Ken doll. I don`t know what everyone`s talking about, you can`t read books on this thing