Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them? Why aren`t we helping to find them?
Remember when there was more important crap to do besides Facebook all day? Me neither.
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
During sex, my wife always wants to talk to me? Just the other night she called me from some hotel.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
Dear IRS…I would like an itemized receipt showing me exactly how every one of my tax dollars is being spent. Thanks.
Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person`s confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.
An empty web browsing history is a sure sign of guilt.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at the exact same time.
Sometimes I`ll go out in public and socialize with people, those times are called alibis.
Listening to the voices in my head, I’ve concluded that they’re having more fun than me.
Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario & how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!