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Life is harder for the beautiful people. I’m sorry you’ll never know.
Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.
My ex wife claims I have "commitment issues" like I didn`t just wait in line for 30 minutes to get a hot dog at Costco.
So I was looking at my boyfriends facebook page and saw a ton of girls saying they love him. He`s obviously cheating on me. We are so over Zac Efron.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
If you could have one super power would you pick flying, invisibility, or falling asleep without questioning every decision you`ve ever made
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
I think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas…
Not to brag, but my bathroom floor is so clean I can sleep on it. Apparently.
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
Dreams are like pictures. I don`t care about yours unless I`m in them.
?"Cheating" is such a strong word. I rather call it "talent scouting".
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.
My dog is eating. I`m sitting next to her, staring intently at her, making her obviously uncomfortable. Yeah, how`s THAT feel, mutt?