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The worlds gonna end in 5 days & I don`t know what I`m gonna wear.
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
There is a method to my madness....and as soon as I figure out what the hell it is, I’m gonna be friggin’ unstoppable.....
Why is it when you go to get your drivers license photo, they tell you to smile. Your not smiling when the police pull you over.
life is like a bed of roses just got to whatch out for the pricks
Man I wanna throw a book at someones face and be like "I Facebooked you!"
People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
Am I the only one who closes the silverware drawer with an epic pelvic thrust?
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
I feel like I`ve passed my "Best If Used By date."
Do you know what I hate worse than people? Groups of people.
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?