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The best things in life require no pants.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
In my experience, most arguments are caused by a misunderstanding of the fact that Iām right.
If you are offended by the opinions I express you can only imagine the ones I keep to myself.
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Im convinced that one day we will all live in the future.
Intelligence is like underwear. It`s important that you have it but there`s no need to show it off.
During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
Today somebody called me a model! Well they said "poster boy for birth control", but I knew what they meant.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)