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My boss said we needed to find ways to save time and be more productive, so I just moved the coffee maker to my desk
I saw a poor old lady fall over today, at least I presume she was poor, she only had $ 1,20 in her purse
Do bees even have knees?
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Only at McDonald`s do they say, "Sorry about your wait" and actually mean "weight" :P
If you say "cash money" around me, Don`t act surprised when I kick you in the "balls nuts" See how stupid that sounds?
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
A cop comes up to a man on the street. Cop: Seen anything unusual? Man: A dolphin with a hat once. Cop: I mean around here. Man: No, they live in water.
is experiencing life at a rate of several wtf´s a minute
I`ve totally cut carbs out of my diet. Until lunch.
My friend said the only vegetable that could make him cry was an onion. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.
Trojan should be sponsoring Teen Mom. That show is the best advertisement for why you should always wear condoms.
I hope daylight savings time doesnt throw me off my schedule of doing nothing.