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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Feeling tired as you struggle to get through the day? There`s a nap for that.
My boss hates "yes" men and I have to agree with him.
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
im like the government: i spend money on things that aren`t important, and spend most of my time trying to explain to people why i need them.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
It`s a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn`t!
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I like my coffee like I like my men: caffeinated, made of beans, muscular, tousled hair, you know what, I don`t really know how to do this..
I`ve never heard an alarm going off on a car worth stealing.
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.