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My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
Lady at my gym is pedaling a stationary bike while eating chips right out of the bag. I`m hiring her as my personal trainer.
It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
My Therapist told me not to drink while I`m on my Meds but little does she know...I`ve been off my Meds for almost a week now!
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
You call them French Fries…I call them Edible Ketchup Shovels.
Dating should be like buying a car. You should get to talk to the previous owners... SHOW ME THE MANFAX!!
Love is a two way street but you have to be careful because women can’t drive.
This year thousands of men will die from stubbornness....NO WE WON`T!!
No, an erection is not considered personal growth.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.