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Birthdays back then: Wow! Look at all these presents!. Birthdays now : Wow damn look at all these notifications!.
Finally got my Bon Jovi Sat Nav working... Wooahh we`re half way there.
How to make a Vodka Christmas cake. . (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1......bottle Vodka, 2 cups dried fruit. Sample a cup of Vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Vodka again to be... sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to
I stepped on the scale today. Not to get my weight. I just couldn`t reach the cookies in the cupboard.
Just got in 30 minutes of cardio trying to pick an ice cube up off the kitchen floor.
Nothing gets me motivated for 10-15 seconds like a good inspirational quote.
That awkward moment when you’re yelling at someone and you mess up a word.
I am so clever sometimes I don`t even understand what I`m saying.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
Sometimes I think I’m too picky. Then I watch my dog look for a place to poop.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
NyQuil is great. I love the way it comes with it´s own shot glass
If your day was that bad, why do you assume we want to know about it?
Not to brag, but I still owe Blockbuster $2.00 for not rewinding Weekend at Bernies.
Women- God’s version of a Rubik’s cube.