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Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Government shutdown day 8: Electricity still works. Water is still running. No cool gangs to join yet. Worst apocalypse ever.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
If a lesbian c*ckblocks another lesbian, is that considered a beaver dam?
I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
Sometimes I meet people and feel sorry for their dog.
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
"No! Don`t leave me! I need you! Nooooo!" I say as my laptop cords slowly slides off my bed onto the floor.
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad! And you said I`d never amount to anything...
It`s not stalking if you love them!
What do women want? The opposite of whatever they have.
I just found a $100 bill laying on the floor in the checkout lane. I don`t even have to try to find out who lost it, because it`s the same color, and has the same picture on it as the one I lost 2 years ago!! WooHoo, talk about fate huh??!!
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.