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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
Whenever I see a hot girl on the streets I`m like HOLY CRAP I`M OUTSIDE.
Waiter: Would u like ur coffee black sir? Me: What other colors do u have?
Everyday Iām shoveling. ā Winter 2014
liked homework better when it was called coloring.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!
Learned today that it`s about 12 min after realizing there`s no TP in the stall that you ask yourself how important your socks really are.
Just realized I have more in common with Garfield than I have with most people
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
Wear black: all the non-conformists are doing it.
I was bitten by a mosquito last night. Bet that little bastard is pretty hung-over today
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of sh!t going on?
I had this awesome dream last night where Facebook went down and most of you went on a killing spree.
I bought a little bag of air today, and the company that made it were kind enough to put some potato chips in it.