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I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is you are stupid and make bad decisions.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
I am not bossy, I just know how to do things the right way.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
Besides tweeting during this job interview, what would you say is your biggest weakness?
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
A man made eye contact with me on the train, so I left my shoe behind ... And now, we wait...
Sometimes I think I`m pretty cool but then I remember plants can eat sun and poop out air.
My dog is entertained chasing his tail and I`m bored with a device that gives me access to infinite knowledge...
gave up trying to understand women years ago. Women understand women and they hate each other.
To-Do List : Nothing[?]
You use Google every day but I bet you can’t remember the order of the colors.
Setting an alarm is how we ruin days that haven`t even started yet.
I like to track people down, knock on their front door and say "we have ten people in common on Facebook, can I come in ?"