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LIFE TIP: The early worm gets dismembered, and eaten alive!
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
I try not to be rude, but some people make it hard work.
I hate wasting alcohol on social occasions.
My wife complained that I never lifted a finger to help around the house. So I lifted a finger. Apparently, it was the wrong one.
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
I used to think using big words meant you were smart, I was somewhat right but that was before I heard politicians speak.
The well behaved rarely make history.
One day id like to have a brand new Iphone like the lady in front of me with the food stamps.
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is `funny and spontaneous`, yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it`s all pantic and screaming.
Seriously, dude...Is there a name for what`s wrong with you?
I`ve been sober 136 days. Not in a row, but still...
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
Gravity didn`t seem this strong twenty-five years ago.
People who weigh their produce. What`s it like to have all the time in the world?