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I thought Row vs. Wade was Washington`s decision when he reached the Delaware.
That awkward moment when your screen freezes on a really embarrassing website
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
I`m not trying to brag or anything, but I just got invited to play Candy Crush on FB
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
When a couple asks me for directions,I know that the wife is forcing the guy to ask.That`s why I give them wrong ones to teach her a lesson.
I think I like mornings best when they start in the afternoon.
Raise your hand if you have already spent your daylight savings
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I try not to work that much. That way I make less mistakes.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
i made a chicken salad the other day. little bastard didn`t even eat it.
The problem with drinking with people from work is they`re the ones I bitch about when I`m drunk.