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A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
The real reason the Mayan civilization collapsed is they never updated their Adobe.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
The old saying "I wouldn`t wish this on my worst enemy"... Clearly you have forgotten why they are your worst enemy.
Nothing is more discouraging that unappreciated sarcasm.
What do you get when you cross a pitbull with a computer? I don`t really know but when it megabytes, it megahertz
1 in 3 Americans, weighs as much as the other 2.
I’m glad people can’t see how I have them saved in my phone. Contact names like, “Don’t Answer” and “Douchebag” and “Owes me $100".
Don’t be too flattered. If I’ve come up a fun nickname for you, chances are it’s because I’ve forgotten your real name. Sorry, Cowboy.
Once you have to start paying a babysitter every time you go out, you realize most friendships aren`t worth it.
The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.
I hate getting paid and being broke all in the same day!! :(
Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I`m Pregnant!"
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".