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Once and for all, I agree to ALL "the terms and conditions" that have or will ever exist!
A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month. The other 49 percent didn`t answer the phone.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What`s on TV?" I said, "Dust." And then the fight started...
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
There’s always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go “damn, calm the f*ck down!”
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Actions speak louder than passive aggressive Facebook statuses.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
*pulls shirt back down* I guess I don`t understand what a flash mob actually is.
I wish the minutes after hitting the snooze button lasted as long as microwave minutes.
I accidentally did yoga once when I couldn`t reach the toilet paper.