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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
The best thing about not being with you, is not being with you.
What is the difference between a trapeze artist and a supermodel?. The trapeze artist has a cunning stunt.
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
No one ever said life was easy, but several people did say that you were.
On a scale of one to crazy, how many cats do you have?
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
I`ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Hi you`ve reached my voicemail,,, Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn`t be done over text
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
I wanted to book an Elvis impersonator for a party so I phoned them up and got a call centre. It said `press 1 for the money, 2 for the show.`