Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
I really would love to see two mimes arguing.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
"F@ck It" has gotten me through a lot of situations.
About to try ordering subway without saying um... Wish me luck!
If you ever want to watch a women feel herself up for ten minutes, hide her cellphone.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
I spend the first half of work fantasizing about all the different places I could go for lunch.
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
You can tell a man`s age by how close their socks are to their knees.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
I always win at chess ... by hitting my opponent with a brick.
I like to say my kid handles funds for a multi-billion dollar corporation. It`s easier than saying he is a cashier at McDonald`s
is at the park. Unless you’re my boss, in which case, I’m at work.