Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Please ignore this post, I`m pretending to be adding a coworker`s phone number.
How to make friends: 1. Tell people you have weed.
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.
Facebook: an alternative to drunk dialing.
If "The Breakfast Club" was made today, it would be a silent film about five kids staring at their phone
My girlfriend is now mad at me because I didn’t know why she was mad at me.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
Good news: I learned how to build a fire. Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.
I swear Hollisters electricity bill must be like $1 a month..
I`ve been diagnosed with a chronic fear of giants. Feefiphobia.