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My wife’s new cooking show will be called, "Do you smell Something Burning?"
I`m here to pick you up when you fall. Whether I tripped you is another thing...
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Not sure why my wife is only mad at me, our 4 year old forgot her birthday too.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Remember when the world ended last year?
Don’t trust people that dislike pizza. They’re probably not human.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
Any fool can use a computer ... Many do
Sometimes, I send game request just to piss people off :)
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
I tell my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
You don`t know pissed off until she tells you to go sleep on the couch, and you take all the covers with you.
Of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with... How did 2 sticks win out!?
If you catch me doing a selfie at work, at least offer to take the pic for me.