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Really had my heart set on waking up rich today.
"I ran a half marathon" sounds so much better than "I quit halfway through a marathon"
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Some people, even in photos, just look like they smell horrible.
I did not say you are stupid, I just said that you have bad luck when you`re thinking.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
Pro tip: Do not make snow angels in a dog park.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
my entire life is a "had to be there" moment
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
According to WebMD I have déjà vu... but not only that, I also have déjà vu according to WebMD.
When someone says "Happy New Years" I wonder, how many years are they talking about?
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..