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True laziness is being excited when plans get canceled.
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
If those Febreeze commercials with rooms filled with stinking, rotting garbage convince you to buy their product. Here`s a heads up for you........ You need to clean your freaking house!!!
no..i am not drunk, floors needs hugs too ! :p
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
There`s nothing like the laughter of a baby....unless you`re home alone at 1 am...and you don`t have children...
Some people walk into your life and leave footprints on your heart. Some people walk into life and make you want to leave footprints on their face
That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco...they have concrete walls...years of foods and supplies...and best of all the zombies can`t get in without a Costco membership card.
If I die, bury me with fire extinguishers. Because: Hell
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.