Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I assume guys who wear their phones on the hip do so because their pockets are stuffed to the brim with condoms and girls phone numbers
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
If each day is a gift, I`d like to know where I can return Monday.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Ermegerd! I WON EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH!!!!! Again! I love being self employed..
If a coworker asks to borrow your pen - sniff it and say, “I think this one is safe” and see if they’ll take it from your hand.
Have you ever wondered if God looks down at you in a humorous moment, chuckles to himself, and says "yeah I made that!"
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Anyone who knows me obviously knows a shit ton about awesomeness.
I`m so hungry I could eat without looking down at my phone.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
Do a little dance... Drink a lot of rum... Fall down tonight...
You know you`re getting old when Happy Hour is a nap.