Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dear food, Either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.
Two knives taped together are not a suitable alternative to scissors.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
Nothing is quite so annoying as to have someone go right on talking when you`re interrupting!
I was late to work because I was having car trouble. And by car trouble I mean I was sleeping and not driving the car.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
I can`t tell if I`m really nice but secretly an a$$hole or an a$$hole but secretly really nice.
People who get out of the car and actually have a sit down meal inside McDonald`s scare me.
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Farted in my wallet, Now I have gas money.
I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!
If all the world´s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
Money isn´t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.