Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
Attention!! Today I am traveling back in time to right some wrongs in this world. You will know I succeeded if the Germans lost WW2 and that Thursday comes before Wednesday.
According to the law it`s not appropriate to put a bounty on my boss. I actually thought it showed great initiative and leadership.
I am not the same person at 8am and 8pm.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Remember when the world ended last year?
If a girl bangs ten dudes in a year she is a slut. If a guy done he`s gay. Definitely gay.
I`m pretty sure the phrase "Did I say that out loud?" is just a way of adding an exclamation point.
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
If we`re all expected to have sex with our Valentine on Valentine`s Day, I`m truly dreading Presidents` Day.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
If you leave me a voice mail that asks me to call you back at my convenience you have no one to blame but yourself.
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!