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Always be yourself, unless you suck…and if you suck you should try being more like me.
When my wife picks a restaraunt that I don’t like, I just say “oh yeah, that’s where that really cute girl works”. Problem solved.
Technically, I don`t have to do anything until my wife wakes up and realizes I`m not doing anything.
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Ever noticed how fast people walk across the road when you don`t apply the brakes
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
Tip for Sunday Church: Don`t forget to keep your phones on silent, especially if your ringtone is `I like big butts and I do not lie!`
If guys were smart, they’d forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.
I wasn`t that drunk! "Bro, you went to the train station, smashed yourself against the wall, while yelling, Hogwarts here I come!"
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
You washed your hands? Be honest. Your hands washed each other, and you just watched like a sick freak.
Any wife can be a trophy wife if you bring her to a Taxidermist.